I heard those words in a song the other day. How true that is.
What is it about giving up our heart that is so hard?
Well, for those who have given up their heart before, and had it crushed, usually the thought of giving up their heart again is more terrifying than death.
I guess I can't speak for anyone else, but myself.
Sometimes I feel like I sit on the fence when it comes to love. Straddling, I have one foot on the side of giving up my heart, and one foot on the other side, ready to run away.
Why do we, why do I, do this to myself?
Maybe the better question is, why would anyone hurt someone to the extent that they feel the need to straddle?
Why do we damage each other's hearts?
If we feel we can't properly care for another's heart, why not, instead of causing irreparable damage, simply say what is? "I care for you enough to walk away, I can't care for you, the way you need."
Why are people so cruel?
I hate straddling. I hate being hurt.
Why is this fear of hurt so monumental?
I don't know.
I just know it "ain't easy, giving up your heart..."
It ain't easy for me to give up my heart.
But everyday that I find myself on the fence, I just have to push myself to other side.
The side where I trust.
The side where I open up.
The side where I give up my heart.
It ain't easy.
Giving up my heart.
But I try, every day.
I hope you know that.
Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteFrom a psychology perspective, being hurt emotionally has been proven to actually translate into feeling true pain. People who are shunned or yelled at have the same areas of their brain light up as they do real, physical pain.
ReplyDeleteWe are social beings. We need others to survive, beyond just a gathering band in the caveman days. So although you feel you will die at the thought of rejection, you will wither and die without it, too. Is true love and life worth it? That's up to you to sort through with time. Healing always takes time, especially quiet moments, if you can get them. :)
I don't speak from my high-and-mighty place of being married with a kid, educated and whatever else might be thrown into that title. I speak to you as someone who never had a father. Who was abandoned by her Meth-addict mother. Who was separated from her siblings. Who moved to different foster homes as a teenager. Who was used time and again by boyfriends. Who was isolated completely after having her son. Whose best friends have all left her, and the LDS church, weirdly enough.
Love healed me. It continues to. I have almost withered and died in my isolation and loneliness. As much as it hurts to make a place again in your shattered soul for another faulty human being, it is worth it.
But you have time, you will figure it out, I don't need to boss you. :)