Unavailable

I don't always make the best choices in the men I choose to date.

Maybe I have been afraid of finding something really great (which comes with the even greater fear of losing it), so I've chosen the ones with impossible odds, it seemed safer.

I would choose the ones who were ultimately unavailable in some sense or another, or worse, I'd choose the ones who would never want me. (Which would, in the end, make them unavailable.)

When things would end, because they always would, I could always say that it was because they just didn't want me. (While completely true, it provided me with a scapegoat, I didn't have to admit my failures and poor choices.)

Now, just because they didn't want me or were unavailable, doesn't mean they weren't good guys. Sure, some were real class A douche bags, but, most were actually decent fellas. But, again, not available.

So, here's the crazy idea, what if I choose to be with someone who is available, someone who wants me, someone who sees me.

The possibilities are so great! We could be so great!

It's a real leap for me.

I'll be honest, the idea scares the hell out of me. (As I mentioned before, the fear of losing something sooo great is very scary.)

But, at the same time, the fear of never experiencing something so great is even scarier.

So, I'm standing at the door of this plane, and I'm jumping. And I'm counting on my chute to open.

And I can't wait to experience the thrill of falling!

-- Post From My iPhone